Afghanistan

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Resin to Believe: Hash Gets a Boost in Afghanistan


VIENNA – Afghanistan is not only the world's largest supplier of opium, it also is the global leader in hashish production, the United Nations said Wednesday, in a press release that corresponded with a smoke-a-thon set up in the General Assembly Hall.

The U.N. Office on Drugs and Crime said it estimates that 10,000 to 24,000 hectares (24,700 to 59,300 acres) of cannabis are grown in Afghanistan every year and that this is used to make an estimated 1,500 to 3,500 tons of hashish annually. Said one official, who was in a stupor but still somewhat coherent,” We feel that the prominence of the opium industry is appropriate to the levels of pain presently endured by the Afghani people. Furthermore, it makes a right nice perk when our reps go down there for spring break.

"While other countries have even larger cannabis cultivation, the astonishing yield of the Afghan cannabis crop ... makes Afghanistan the world's biggest producer of hashish," UNODC chief Antonio Maria Costa said in a prepared statement that was visibly stained by some sort of resinous oil.

Afghanistan produces 145 kilograms (319 pounds) of hashish per hectare of cannabis, compared to about 40 kilograms (88 pounds) per hectare in Morocco, Costa said. Of the 47 billion dollars dedicated to the Afghan war effort this year, a return of 11 billion has already been realized from the ‘ Seeds of Development Program’, a spin-off of the military operations in that country. The program pays subsidies to marijuana and opium farmers who devote a portion of their arable land to narcotics production. ‘ Already my farm has brought an additional $1.5 million this year. That’s an increase of $1.5 million over last year. I’m high as a kite’, said one toothless old peasant, now sporting a coat and tie and fancy trousers.

Hashish is the resin produced from cannabis, also known as marijuana.

Basing its findings on information from 1,634 Afghan villages in 20 provinces, UNODC said it is three times cheaper to cultivate a hectare of cannabis in the country than it is a hectare of opium. As a result, it said, the net income of a hectare of cannabis is $3,341 (euro2,490) — compared to $2,005 (euro1,495) per hectare of opium. “ Less buzz per buck, but more bucks per Hectare”, observed Afghan Minister of Agriculture, Asif Rahami, who did not appear publically at the press conference, unless you consider a stream of smoke from under a bale of hay public.

In total, 17 of Afghanistan's 34 provinces — mainly in the country's unstable south — have large-scale cannabis cultivation according to the U.N. Office on Drugs and Crime. Of late, pain-crazed Gis as well as wounded citizens have taken advantage of the ‘Buzz for Bombing’ program instituted by President Hamid Karzai, which gives free pain killers to all innocents as well as combatants in the conflict. Of late, however, Taliban officials have complained of their opium supply being cut with talcum powder.

Since cannabis has a short shelf life and is grown in summer when less water is available, Afghan farmers continue to prefer opium to cannabis, it said. Last year, more than two-thirds of cannabis farmers also cultivated opium. ‘ It’s good to diversify’, opined Abdul Hadi Argandiwal, Minister of the Economy. ‘We may even start growing some rice, just to mix it up a little”.

Afghanistan supplies 90 percent of the world's opium, the main ingredient in heroin, and the highly lucrative crop has helped finance insurgents and fuel corruption, thus cutting U.S. pay-offs to Afghan officials and saving U.S. taxpayers a heap of dough.

‘Cannabis also benefits rebel groups, not just the government’, Costa warned.

"All drugs in Afghanistan, whether opium or cannabis, are taxed by those who control the territory, providing an additional source of revenue for insurgents or government agents. It’s a win-win situation’, Costa muttered, his head rolling about loosely on his shoulders, a slow fountain of drool collecting on his lapel.